I've been trying to decide if I want to write about this, but sitting here watching Dancing with the Stars, I decided I want to. Wednesday, September 19, 2012 was one of the hardest days for me. It actually started a few days before that, the Friday before to be exact.
Wednesday September 12th, I got an voicemail from Grammy that she was back in the hospital. We had talked a few days before that and she told me she had kind of passed out at home on Saturday, so when she went back that week for a doctor's appointment, her doctor decided to check her back in to the hospital. I called her back on Thursday on my way home and talked to her about how she was feeling. She said she was tired but nothing really different than normal. Friday night, my mom called and said that Grammy wasn't doing well. She had talked to her that day and Grammy sounded out of it on the phone. Saturday Larry told me we should probably go by the hospital to see her because things were getting worse. The doctor was trying a new medication, but they just couldn't get her platelet count up (due to her Leukemia and Hotchkins Lymphoma). She had so many blood transfusions over those few days, but the count just kept dropping.
Sunday was really hard. I wasn't prepared for what we walked into when we went to the hospital. Grammy definitely knew we were there, but she didn't look like herself. She was definitely tired and so weak she didn't really talk while we were there at all. She hadn't really been eating because she couldn't feed herself and her mouth was hurting. That was hard to see, but I know it was even harder for her. Thankfully, Josie and Dylan were there visiting too, so she knew we all wanted to be with her. Matt told Grammy we wanted to pray with her and she said "thank you", something she has never said to me before when I have offered to pray or talked about praying. We all held hands with Grammy and prayed for her to not be in pain and to feel peace. After sitting and trying to visit for a while, Dylan said he wanted to pray again before he and Josie left. We did again and I think it was a very special thing for all of us.
After Dylan and Josie left, Matt and I prayed with Grammy one more time. This time Matt told her that God loved her and always has. We told her that she could be in Heaven with Him if she believed he loved her. We talked about Jesus and how he died so we could live in eternity with Him. We told her she would not be in pain any longer. I held her hand and waited for her to squeeze my hand or something, but that didn't happen. I know that day she would fall asleep off and on, but I KNOW she heard us, I know it. We told her bye, that we loved her and I kissed her one more time.
I called my parents to let them know what was going on and told Mom she needed to come to Houston as soon as possible. She came up Tuesday. Wednesday morning I called Mom and she said Grammy's heartbeat was so slow she probably wouldn't be with us much longer. Later that day, she passed away. Larry was there and heard her take her last breath.
Some days, some moments I get really sad because I miss her so much, watching Dancing with the Stars is proving to be pretty hard.
Things I will remember, miss, and forever remind me of Grammy:
Our weekly conversations since we moved to Houston just to check in. She always asked how things were going at work and tell me about the latest episode of Nate Berkus that she watched that day.
She watched the Bachelorette with me when I lived with her during my internship, even though she didn't like it nearly as much as I did.
She also wouldn't let me do my only laundry then, because I didn't do it right, but I didn't fight that too hard :)
She always called me baby, I can still hear it now.
She loved Challah bread. The last doctor's appointment I took her to, we stopped by Three Brother's Bakery to load up on some of her favorite treats from there.
The cousins would always joke that whichever grandkid wasn't there was the one she was most proud of at the moment :)
She would send me SO many forward emails, I had to create a special folder for her in my gmail account. Even though I joked about getting so many, I will miss not getting any now.
She loved Matt and was so happy for us.
She was proud of me, and told me often.
I will definitely miss her and I pray that she is in Heaven looking down on us now and smiling about this post.
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